Transfer is Done! Yipee. We got to the clinic a few minutes early, and I didn't think this would be a big deal as last transfer we got in 30 minutes early and were out early too. This time I was ready, bladder full... busting to move. We waited an additional 30 or so minutes beyond our scheduled appointment because the folks in front of us apparently didn't understand that full bladder meant FULL bladder and once in there- they wait for you to fill up so it's just a matter of drinking water and waiting. Not the fault of the staff -- they give fairly explicit instructions to have a full bladder and they tell you the time to start drinking and how much to drink. I should have sensed something when they were in the waiting room and they were the only folks without water bottles. Fortunately the RE knows me fairly well by now and he was fine with me letting some out. That part pretty much sucked-- having a full bladder and I think I ended up letting a tiny bit out 6 different times while we were waiting-- and we waited 30 minutes after our scheduled time, which means the folks behind us had to wait as well. Once we got into the room- we were in and out in minutes--3 little eggs tucked safely away.

On the way home we hit traffic-- but bed rest this past weekend was good. I got to stock up on my video watching and Hubs was totally awesome taking care of me. Even when I was cranky, he was still there. Made me meals, and brought me water and took the dogs out so they didn't pester me.

The dogs apparently got into Poison Oak this past week-- not sure how they did that since they have been running at the beach- but we've got it all over. We are both incredibly sensitive to it and my arms are just covered in a red itchy rash and it's spreading to my neck, shoulders and legs. Not much I can do but let it runs it's course at this point and try not to scratch.

Anyhow, we take our first blood test on July 2nd and the second one on the 4th. Since the 4th is a holiday here we'll have to wait until the 5th. So we won't know anything until then-- they never tell you the results until the 2nd test results are in and I am not planning to watch for symptoms since I already know I don't show any so early on. I'll post if anything comes up- but as of now- the eggs are in and cookin'.

Well the retrieval went well yesterday-- they got 5-- but only 4 were viable. Of the 4, 3 were an M2 and one was an M1. I'm not exactly sure what that means- but I am told it's good. Of all 4, 3 fertilized. So 3 is a pretty good ratio when starting from 4 total. Not going to complain. We go back on Friday to do the transfer- but overall we're Ok with the number and the amount that fertilized. Better than last time and we did good then. I haven't started to think about the whole miscarriage thing much yet-- but it's lurking-- and if this goes well I'll expect a slight freak out at week 8 or 9 ... we have plenty of time for that.

Anyhow, I found a cool chef service that cooks and delivers meals to you so I ordered some for the week for us to give a try.
It was pretty good- and it wasn't all that expensive when I think about buying all the stuff to make the meals- I think we may keep using them for awhile-- I could use a break on cooking and Hubby isn't inclined to learn so it's that or pizza. I don't know how everyone else does it- and it could just be the hormones but I feel like I keep track of all the stuff with the house and the food and the cleaning... and I work full time too. I am worn out! So here is to taking a break.

I'll let you know if anything comes up at the transfer but I suspect that it will be pretty normal.

Latest stats are still decent-- though less impressive than earlier in the week. We still have 6-7 follies- but only 2 of them have grown well-- one is 11, the other is nearly 9-- and the rest are 4-7. That doesn't really leave much time for them to get where they need to be by next tuesday but still worst case 2 is better than none. We also go back again this weekend for another ultrasound and we'll decide then if Tuesday will stick or if it will be pushed out more.

Other than that- I have the strange side effect of heat coming out the soles of my feet. Serious heat is moving on through and I am occassionally plunking my tootsies into cool water to relieve them. I'm not too worried about it-- I think the warmth may be a good sign and I generally am cold so the shift is a nice change.

I am hoping the last thing of note is a good sign. I am taking it as one. It would seem that all the dahlias I planted during the grieving period of my miscarriage earlier this year have nearly all sprouted and I got my first flower bloom earlier in the week. I am hoping more flowers bloom this weekend- but it's nice to see something grow and become beautiful from such a dark start.

I went to the RE yesterday for my utlrasound -- and I am slowly growing eggs! The RE says he thinks we'll have 6 or even 7 that will be mature by next week when we go in for retrieval! (pausing for a victory dance...) We pushed the retrieval out 3 more days as I am a sloooow grower as well as a slow responder. Kind of makes me wonder if I ever really produced any eggs on my own naturally with with my mega-short luteal phase :) and add into a blood clotting disorder, and the fact that it takes me twice the amount of drugs in twice the time to produce nearly anything...good grief, I spent all those years on birth control tweaking my body hormonally and I probably could have skipped it! All those puffy bitchy extra 10 pound years on birth control when I could have been pleasant "sure, I am happy to share my chocolates" Ellie.... sigh. Don't you just hate retrospection? And now leg warmers are back in style again... when did that happen?

The RE was kind enough to explain that usually the first 5 days or so on meds generally make women a wee bit cranky, as the estrogen hasn't kicked in quite yet but that when it does, that the crankiness subsides... I am speculating that mine isn't quite where it needs to be as Hubs and I attended a movie this past weekend, and a high schooler kid cut in front of us in line to buy tickets with his friends- we had plenty of time to buy tickets and there was tons of seating in the theatre- but I mentioned to Hubs that evening that I was suprised he hadn't said anything being as he still has a great deal of New York in him from his years of living in the city. He looked at me and said... "that was 7 hours ago-- and it was a kid buying tickets with his friends, do you think you might be a bit hormonal?". Umm, yeah, so perhaps the feeling to push the kid off the curb and into oncoming traffic is a slight extreme. I could say I am feeling a bit hormonal, yeah. And it's strange that these injustices seem to grow into travesties as the hours pass and they are such small things that I hold onto.

Anyhow, I go back to the RE for another US on Friday so I'll post again.... and I have to say that this cycle is by far the mellowest one I have done- and I am thrilled that aside from the crankiness, nothing unusual is happening and this is all pretty dang boring.

Not really much new to report on my end-- I started up the stims earlier this week- and things have been smooth sailing overall. I am doing the shots mostly myself-- there was a couple of IM shots that I had my lovely neighbor help with one of them and then hubs helped with the other. I was able to inject it IM, and then he pushed down the needle, sat down and took a deep breathe, turned a wee bit pale and then seemed to be fine. I think he takes them much harder than I do!

The bruising from the heparin isn't too bad-- and bloggers have been great about offering me tips to reduce the bruising which has been helpful. I bumped my head on the doorway yesterday in one of my more graceful moves and then later that day my head hurt from it! I'll have to be more careful about bumping into things as we continue this process.

So that's it. I know, by far my most boring cycle yet- and I have done these dang meds something like 6 or 7 times at this point! By this time it ought to be mundane :) I did have a funny experience at the drug store the other day-- I was stopping over to pick up a prescription of needles at the local pharmacy and they explained to me that they were not going to put it through my insurance because the price of the needles goes up 20 bucks if they do. Classic. It costs me more to get them through my insurance than pay retail...

So just a quick update. I have been on the lupr*on and centro*tide for about a week or so now. Had my first ultrasound on Tuesday. Everything looks good, no cysts and I am good to start the stim phase this next week. I'll be on the stims until the 12th of June when I go back in for another ultrasound. Pretty much taking it all in stride. I occassionally feel a small pang about the miscarriage but am otherwise fine. 2 women in my bookclub are pregnant! One would have been in the same week as me and the other about a month behind me. I'm thrilled they are both pregnant, but it was one of those pang moments, where I am told they are pregnant and I do the math in my head... oh, I'm not pregnant any more I don't get to count those weeks now- pang. I can only hope that some of it rubs off on me and this next round will have us lucky too.

We just finished reading "Assassination Vacation" by Sarah Vowell for those of you who were going to ask, yeah, I know you are all wondering what we read this month. I have no idea what next months selection will be- the person who hosts it get to pick the books that way we rotate around the group and everyone gets a pick- it broadens my views and reading choices to things I never thought I'd read and I often enjoy the reads so no complaints. The book is hilarious, and educational-- all at the same time.

I'll keep you posted as I continue my cycle. Still no major side effects from anything- except a slight headache. I start the hep*arin next week. Never done it before- but I am told that the bruising will be noticable..still, if it only costs me a wee bit of bruising and I get to go home with one of those new fangled babies... I'm good with it.

Again. I don't really know what to say other than I am going to try this again. I have no idea if it is normal to cry at the thought of that. It's not that I am not looking forward to it. It's just the the last one ended so incredibly badly -- and I doubt I could make it through another cycle emotionally if my husband weren't with me holding my hand every single step of the way. Funny how he thinks I am the strong one- I don't really feel that way at all.

So I start my new med regime sometime around the 19th of this month- it will be lu*pron and dexameth*sone for the first week or so-- then we add in Centro*tide, some E2V and then up the ante a week later with regular stims and heparin. Baby aspirin to boot as well. Whole new protocol for me. And that also adds to the fear I guess.
I was kind of use to all the old drugs and what my reactions were-- in fact I rarely had any side effects at all.

The good news is that we did the Millenova labs tests and found that I tested positive for APS. It was the best 800 bucks I think I have ever spent. The common name for it is Hughes Syndrome- but the elevator pitch is that my blood apparently clots and causes miscarriages. Thus the heparin and baby aspirin now becoming part of the new portfolio to thin the blood out. I think Hubs is a tiny bit worried that he will be following me around with band-aids. I share his concern knowing that I am a bit of a klutz. I mean I did break the same little toe something like 3 times last year tripping over things. I am hoping this summer doesn't start out like that!

So finally a new post after a quiet month. I'll be here posting, and reminding myself to breathe. We have taken every precaution we could to make sure this round
does not end with a miscarriage. I can't do much more than turn it over to the world and hope it ends well.

Hey Fellow Bloggers..

My humor must be returning to me as I catch up on my reading and hear what is happening in everyone's life. As I was reading up on a fellow bloggers mini vacation and her undying patience in dealing with a fertile woman who kept offering her suggestion on how to get pregnant, a question arose for me - and I thought- why not take a poll on this and then we'll have them all in one place. So here goes-- spread the request around so I can capture as much of them as possible. And here is the question:

What are the suggestions you have been given to help get you pregnant by people who don't get infertility?

Disappointed is proably the best description for what we feel today. We talked to the clinic about our Karotyping test and it appears that the lab doing the testing- conducted the wrong test entirely. So they confirmed I was pregnant-- and nothing else. Yeah, thanks. I think the morning sickness was a huge tip off for us. So what does all that mean? In short- we will never know why we miscarried because the lab screwed up. The clinic sent over the correct orders but the lab opted to just not do them. I wonder if the lab tech who mistakenly did the wrong test has any idea of the impact that had on us? Do you think they'll send me a "hey, how are we doing card, we want to know" to rate the facility. Yeah, I doubt I will be hearing from them.

So we are moving on, grudgingly- I was doing the immune blood testing at the clinic as a next phase, but I think they will be sending me the kit to fedex on in-- that way I don't need to drive a few hours just to give them blood. Then we'll get the results from that and decide what to do next.

Well. Healing.
Somedays not as fast as I'd like but it's happening.
I planted my yearly dahlias. I bought too many and Hubs is alittle concerned we'll have so many we won't be able to get to the front door. I felt better after planting them. And if it takes 30 dahlias to heal from a miscarriage- it seems like a small price to pay.

I have an appt with the RE this week-- I guess we'll go over the results of the D&C tissue they got and what the plan will look like moving forward. I still occassionally feel as thought the wind has been knocked out of me- but it's general greiving and as much as I'd like to snap my fingers and have it be gone there is no rushing it. It's managable, and the best way to describe it is that I get a small pang or twinge of sadness when something triggers it. Walking past a baby shop, seeing a pregnant woman... you know the usual stuff.

I got an invite to a babyshower in the mail today. I was alittle suprised really as I haven't spoken to the mother-to-be in 8-9 months, and the last time I think it was just a hello. We weren't really friends, and other than general small talk at events we both happen to be attending, we haven't really spent any time together. My hubs is friends with her hubs and so maybe it is a by proxy invite? A my husband knows your husband kind of thing? Hmmm.

The reason I am writing about this shower, isn't the puzzlement of why I was invited. It was the wording on the shower that has me alittle perplexed. The shower invite said that the couple didn't know the gender of the baby they were having so we should not tell them that is it a boy. Umm, ok. But it feels weird to know the gender of the baby when the parents don't and why would the host of the event chance that all those 40+ people won't tip off the couple- who purposely don't want to know.Like they won't be getting a blue gift now...because everyone is going to walk into the store where they registered, see that they requested yellow and get that for a boy?

Is it normal to do showers this way? Hubs and I talked about it, and I'll pick something up this week. I can't attend the shower because of an existing conflict, and I'm not really feeling up to a babyshower so it's proably a blessing overall. We'll drop the gift off with some breakfast after they have the baby. I have trouble with the being part of the secret thing- and it's not that I can't keep a secret, or that I plan on telling it if I see them. It's that I wasn't given the choice to not be included in the secret. That is was just blurted out in the first line of text for the shower and now I know this information. Now when the couple calls to tell us they had a boy it will be like, yeah, um we know...and that just seems alittle anti-climatic.

Well I can't say for certain what possessed me to troll over to cyclesista and check out all the dec/jan and jan/feb cyclers and evaluate the outcomes of everyone. I can't really say that I learned anything from counting, some of us got pregnant, and some didn't. So I thought I might just catch up on some reading and offer some support. I am reading you all, but so far writing comments feels uninspirational, like I just have no idea what to say.

We did the D&C late last week, they moved me up a day in scheduling and then apparently didn't mention it to the nursing staff-- the door to the recovery room was ajar but we did overhear some of the staff commenting that I wasn't on the schedule. Hmm, not the most welcomed feeling but I know that I am little on the sensitive side with all the hormones dropping out of my system like a roller coaster plummeting down the hill. Hubs said the doctor came in and spoke with us after, I can't remember a dang thing so I can't really tell you what he said. I got dressed sometime around 9:30 and we headed home, I slept most of the way and then most of the day too. We burned all the ultrasound pictures and said our goodbyes in hopes that a sense of closure would start the healing process.

It's been two days since and I guess the healing is starting. I still cry, a bit less today than yesterday, I think that's proably going to be around a bit longer- and my motivation to step outside, well, I thought about it today but just wasn't up to venturing out on my own. Hubs took me to the grocery store and I found all the people and noise overwhelming. I did fine in the store, but I wasn't really up for running more errands after that.

I think we are doing ok, and we'll be fine-- but every time I hear the words "I'm sorry", there is a slight sting and I feel tears well up in my eyes. I know the loved ones saying it are trying to be supportive- and I'd say the same thing if I were in their place. I don't know what the right response would be, it seems appropriate, maybe it is just suppose to hurt and then it one day hurts less.

Ok, it's been confirmed. The clinic had me come today for a scan. This is one of those days where I wished I lacked an intuitive side. The baby's heart was not beating on todays scan. We are very sad and just taking some time out to greive.

Ironically I was so optimistic that this cycle would work I brought all my extra meds and supplies to the clinic to give to other women who might need them but not be able to afford them. Now I kind of wish I'd kept the valium...

Well nothing is confirmed. We are still in waiting mode but some thing have drastically changed and I don't think it is all for the better. The net of it is all my lovely symptoms are gone. I'd never thought I'd say I wish I were feeling queasy...
I stopped feeling queasy by Saturday, and my energy level began increase so naps are no longer necessary to make it through a day. My skin pigmentation on my breasts has returned to a pale color and most noticably the metal taste in my mouth is gone. Oh, and I am not really hungry. Yeah, I think that is a big one as I have just spent the last several weeks eating everything within view to abate the hunger. Now I don't mean to be pessimistic but add in some cramping, a general initutive sinking feeling and well, you have a grieving family.

I popped an email over to my care coordinator to see what the options are here-- but overall, I have to be realistic, this week isn't looking like a good one. I know symptoms change-- but they don't just all go away never to be seen again.

We'll breathe, and cry, and breathe and cry some more. Not much else we can do but grieve, and wait.

We did the ultrasound today-- our first one. 7 weeks 4 days. The pictures looked great-- one gestational sac and yolk. The heartbeat was between 95 and 97. A little on the low side. We go back in one week and 2 days for a second ultrasound at 9 weeks. The RE didn't seem worried but we did think he was tentative-- he kept saying it was early and that the heart rate could go up. Dr. google gave us conflicting info-- the average heart rate is 110 bpm-- so we are low, but as long as it is over 90 and climbing we stand a chance.

We are nervous and apprehensive. We want to think the best and that the heartbeat will go up--yet here we are again faced with another week of waiting in hopes that everything will be ok. As hubby so eloquently said it this evening...why can't we just catch a break...does this all have to be so hard?

I guess the bright side is that we'll know in a week and half but I think this may be the longest week and a half we have had to live through yet.

I am sure my friends tried to warn me about the being hungry and wanting to throw up same time feeling- just now I can't remember it ever being mentioned. I thought I was adjusting to being hungry all the time. I even thought I somehow would figure out the secret to not getting sick--you know, small meals, lots and lots of protein, eat right before bed.

I don't seem to have a great deal of problems in the morning, in fact I have been waking up not especially hungry- however between the hours of 1-5pm all bets are off and I could eat every single minute of the 4 hour window and still not be full. It is safe to say that I am tired of eating at the end of the day and I can't help but wonder why they have not created some kind of fast digesting high protein meal that leaves you feeling full for hours and doesn't upset your stomach one bit.
Today, proudly my first round of morning sickness- though it began to hit in my eating window and I couldn't determine whether I should keep eating and take my chances or stop. I can't determine the overriding message my body is sending me when I get two of the messages at the same time. My brain and stomach are both on sensory overload.

Today I can't get near meat. I thought it was a bit strange when I was in the grocery store yesterday and I couldn't look at the raw meat section with out feeling funky-- today, I can't really look at it cooked. This will pass, I know. And I am learning to trust my body, I just wish it would tell me it doesn't want to eat something before I go through the effort to make it.

Wow. I am ready to take a nap now and it is only 9am. I am certain I will make it to noon with no problems but I had no idea that the little cramping bugger in my uterus was going to make me sooo dang tired. Yup, still cramping occassionally and I can only guess that room is being made where none currently exists for growth. I can't help but think that at any moment I am going to puff up into a giant marshmallow. I know going from a size 10 to a size 20 isn't really going to happen, is it? But it is nautral to worry that somehow I won't do the pregnancy right.. I mean don't we all have that fear alittle?

Last night we had a hysterical hormone surge. I was driving to radio shack with hubs and telling him about my recent trip to the humane society where I managed to not bring any animals home but that there were sooo many of them there and they needed good homes. I started to cry before even getting out the words that I had been to the humane society shelter for pets. He looked at me as though a mad woman was driving the car, because of course I was driving and sobbing at the same time and not really forming coherent sentences. Then it struck me totally funny and I began to howl with laughter too. Not a soft giggle but a deep cackling kind of belly laugh. Wow, yes, he did look really alarmed at that point. Almost scared. I can't say I blame him- It alarmed me a bit too. All of a sudden I am talking and then I am just way off the deep end. And then it passes like it was never there.

Otherwise, this morning I woke up burping-- seems to be all I am doing. And I have a slight feeling that I am moving when I am not. Makes for a real thrill when I am in the shower and feeling like I could topple over should a wave hit the bow of the tub. It doesn't last long and it kind of reminds me when I travel for work alot-- where even after I stop travelling I still feel like I am moving. Not really much different from the IVF drugs really-- I can't remember which one gave me this sensation but it only lasted a short time. I am catching up on my blog reading and if I haven't made it around to comment on your blog yet-- know that I am reading to catch up this week.

Ok, Nothing major to update really- but I thought I'd mention for the other women that are still cycling that I have no symptoms of pregnancy still. Yup. No extraordinary signs and I look pretty much the same as I alway have. I have no blue veins, no dark areolas, no morning sickness yet, no getting up in the middle of the night any more than I normally do- and no real fatique any different than the normal fatigue I'd feel on progesterone shots. I have no light headedness, no spotting or heatburn or constipation. Nothing really-- though I do still have cramping in what feels like mild period cramps-- that would be the only significant sign and if the blood test didn't come back with 2 positives I'd swear my period was going to start any time now. So as head into your 2ww, breathe and try not to read into the symptoms.

I can give you a update on my PIO shots. Yup. The leg is definately out. We returned to the tush last night-- and today my leg is *still* swollen and I am hobbling around like I was wounded on the football field. No real differentiation between my knee and thigh currently-- but it does hurt alittle less. Looks way way worse and hurts less. I figure I will just keep off it and see what happens-- but if you are comtemplating PIO shots-- aim for your backside. I speak from experience now. I guess someone had to try it...

What no one really tells you about PIO shots. FIRST - let me start with the update that my betas were 16 on dpo 11 and 76 on dpo 13. I looked at the betabase site and still have not figured out if this means one or two-- any votes on this?

So yeah, I am getting the hang for the PIO shot-- and I will be the first to admit that despite the excellent training my neighbor has provided both to me and hubs, we discovered this morning that we are having a small problem with them.
Administering them, not really the issue. Yes, hubs gets pale and clammy and beer seems to help with this. It also helps to have him sit down next to me to administer the shot. And he is going a great job-- the needle only hurts at the dermal layer and once we are through that -- it's a piece of cake.

So what is the problem? Well, it's the day after. Taking the shot- no big deal. And we have been doing them in the thigh for about 3 days now to give my tushy a rest and because my neighbor was kind enough to help us draw of map on my legs of where we could inject IM, heck I can even self inject at this point. But the entire thigh muscle the morning after an injection-- every single inch of it from the top of my thigh to the side of my knee- aches. I keep looking to see if it is swollen and black- it sure feels like it should. I can't even comfortably rest my laptop on my legs- it hurts to touch the more recent side we used! I am hobbling around the house - and my grandmother in her 90s could easily run circles around me with her walker!

So I tried heating pad to lessen the pain-- temporary at best-- and I tried massaging it as well-- which I do regularly after the injection-- but it just feels plain bad the next morning still. Most folks don't do the legs-- I am guessing this must be why? Today I tried walking it out- thinking the muscle just needs to stretch a bit-- it loosens and then tightens back up when I am off it for a few minutes. Doesn't seem to be helping. Any thoughts on how to make the remaining 5 days less painful? Anyone know at what point you can beg your RE for the weekly progesterone shot? And how long will I be taking these shots while pg?

First let me ask everyone to pop on over to kris @babyproof and give her some love. She is having a rough cycle, and she has more eloquence and strength than I can ever hope to have- my heart goes out to her.

I never got around to the POAS method we intended to do to brace ourselves for the doctors call. I just couldn't bring myself to spend the money on one and my neighbor was on vacation so she did not bring one home from work. Hubs and I just passed the tired baton back and forth all weekend. When I was feeling up, he was exhausted and when he felt rested I was tired. It was an out of sync weekend- but we both got plenty of rest. I got the call from the RE yesterday. I wanted to wait until Hubs and I had talked before posting.

We are both alittle tentative, and I keep thinking maybe the lab somehow got me confused with another IFer. It came back positive. We are both happy, mostly stunned really. And very very tentative-- as we all know-- getting this far is only half the battle. We are keeping it fairly quiet til we pass the 10 week mark. It's the same theory that we applied to the previous testing-- we don't want to blast out to the world that we are pregnant- and then have something go wrong and have to live the let down over and over each time we repeat it. We are comforted that his boys can find the target and when placed in the appropriate circumstances it does all work. Cool. That only took a few years. I have no idea how this actually happens naturally for most people.

We went over to the neighbors house and got instructions on self administering the PIO shots. Looks like we'll be doing this for awhile. I have lovely permanent ink on my legs (I was afraid it would wash off otherwise) so I can find the right spots to do them while she is out of town. I did my left thigh last night all by my self. Hubs drank a glass of wine as though it were a shot of something and watched while turning kind of pale. The idea was that we both learn how to do them- but it may be better if I do it- he didn't look so good last night. When we go for lesson #2 tonite, I think we ought to consider giving him something stronger than red wine.

I'll still be here- reading your posts, and cheering you all on and sending Hugs your way. I also have some meno*pur and PIO in sesame oil that needs a new home. The stuff is dang expensive so if I can save someone else the cost of a box or two. Let me know if you need it -I am happy to send it on it's way.

And the answer is?

We still have no clue how the next few days will turn out- really not even an inkling of a guess but we are moving into self preservation mode just out of habit. 1st beta tomorrow and the 2nd beta on monday. The Dr will call after monday and let us know the results-- but I have to say we are considering the POAS (the pee-on-a-stick for those not familiar with acronym) method this weekend because we'd like to be prepared to talk to the doctor and I don't think we will be if we are shocked by the news, good or bad. They ought to be able to have someone call and tell you the results then hang up really really fast so they can't hear your reaction.

We talked about it last night and Hubs was pretty bummed that I have been cramping for the past day or so. I know, I know. It could totally be the little embie digging in-- and I know I am especially sensitive to just about everything out there except for fertility drugs-- so there is a chance that it's not period related. I mean we all know that symptoms mean NOTHING in this process. But to be cautionary we are asking family and friends to assume it is a Negative unless we tell them otherwise.

We aren't doing this because we are negative thinkers-- we are doing it because it is self preservation. I swear, my fingers and toes are crossed and we'd pretty much bargain off our grumpy dog and our ancient honda for a tiny bundle of joy. It doesn't seem like it but we are sane people and for all you non IFers out there I can explain. Imagine wanting to have any personal life goal, then not suceeding and having to tell 35 people you didn't make it, yeah sadly they don't all gather in one large room so you have to say it over and over and over... Now imagine having told them the exact same thing 5 times prior. Yeah, it is demoralizing. It would be that way whether it was a child or any other life goal you set for yourself you didn't achieve. I think I'd prefer to have my grumpy dog running me over in my old honda than to have that conversation 35 more times. So for the sake of not having to experience any of that- we opted for the above "It's Negative until we say otherwise" method. I mean I can't make the dog stop barking- I suspect I won't be much better at teaching her to drive :)

So yeah, cramping-- but---no blood. As far as I am concern--no massive amount of blood and 2 betas tests to go--means we are still way in the game.