Day 4

Today is Day 4 of our latest cycle. I am posting a blog so that family and friends can read, learn and educate themselves to what a standard couple is going through in trying to concieve. What I hope to achieve by posting is to create a forum so the people who care know how I am and what I am feeling as I choose to post- and also to educate them that this isn't really a "as soon as you adopt it will happen to you" or a "you just need to relax and hold your feet in the air" kind of issue. I have spent alot of time reading, and I now understand that nearly 2 in 10 couples experience issues in conception. It is a growing issue, and one the lacks sensitivity among the general population. The reasons are varied, and every couple encounters different issues they need to overcome

I hail from a fairly large family- if all in the extended family were counted I would have well over 10 nieces and nephews on my side of the family. When I started down this path I didn't think much about it. I just assumed that when I wanted to, I could have kids- I mean the bunny genes seem to run in my family- how on earth could I not follow the family trait? It came as a bit of a reality shock when month after month of timing it and trying- added with trying IUI and clomid amounted to nothing but a more tired version of me- most definately beyond a rational self and plain not use to not being sucessful in everything I try.

It was at this point, having done this alone most entirely with local support from my friends, and my DH that I decided I needed more help. A few of my friends have struggled with this issue, but no one talks about it. Not dinner table talk-- ya know? There needs to be a better balance between participating in my life now and being supported on my journey. When people tell you this is an all consuming thing, it is partly because most of the women on this journey are doing it alone. Yes, they have partners, and friends and family who love them- But it is our body that we are adjusting with hormones, that we are monitoring, testing and tracking on a nearly daily basis. It can be overwhelming and all consuming if we let it. There needs to be a better outlet to balance the topic with daily life. This is my quest.

I do not feel as I fit anywhere lately, the hormones, the topics- you just can't sit down to dinner and say, hey my blood test was XXX, means we could be doing IVF on this day, how to do feel about genetic testing? Did ya see that new movie at the independent theatre? See - it has no flow. I want to stay home and talk with the dog- the fact that he does not talk back is quite appealing. I don't know maybe everyone feels alittle off kilter going through this process.

I found an awesome online support group of women who are going through different stages of primary infertility. It is with these women that I have decide to step up to the keyboard and blog my way back to sanity. Welcome to my blog. May it inspire and teach- while lending support to women who like me need an extra hand during a difficult time.