Day 31 (10th day supression- 3rd day stimulants)- Confused?

Yes, we have started the stimulants now. One shot in the morning, and one shot at night of stims. Plus the supression shot at night too. I am feeling alittle bit like a science experiment- being poked with shots 3 times a day, plus the counter is still filled with other omnious drugs that i have yet to be told exactly how or what I will be doing with them. It's less stress in the sense that I am feeling more emotionally even but more stress because I have to keep straight what I am putting into my body and when.

The first stim shots were done in Las Vegas- we toted a cooler with the drugs to and from Vegas to make sure they stayed at the required tempatures. Fear of doing the first stim shots hovered over my first day of vacation. I responded with little adverse reactions to the suppressants- but was worried about how my body would react to the stims. Overall, the reaction has been minimal and I have been quite fortunate. I am grateful for this.

I have no doubt that I trust my DH infinately- I am letting him inject me three times a day and I trust him implictly to do this. I can't say I have had this type of trust in past relationships. I think it is a very intimate process and is seems to be taking a bit of a toll on both of us. In giving me the shot - even if they are meant to be under the layer of skin - there are still nerves that travel in the area we are shooting. Sometimes the shots do not hurt at all- a tiny prick and nothing else. Other times they smart quite a bit and we have proably gotten close to a nerve. The menopur most definately stings a bit on entry because of the salt in the fluid. Salt on a open wound- much the same. I know it would bother me to do this to someone else- and I know DH is struggling with giving them to me. I can understand this- and I love him all the more for doing this.

So we did the first round in Vegas- and it was uncomfortable- but I got over the fear of the side effects and though I am alittle fatigued from them- and I occassionally have a head ache that appears and disappears-- I can't quite put my finger on where exactly it hurts. I have signed the mountain of paperwork and now I just hang out with the drugs for the next 6-7 days. It is going to be a long long week.

So the highlights of Vegas were the pool at the hotel-- and hanging out by the pool in the morning before the heat became too extreme and the crowds began to roll in. It would have been great to have some quiet time- but quiet and vegas are not synonomous. It is not possible to have quiet in vegas- no more than it is possible to walk a straight line through a hotel. We discovered that to get to anything you must walk through several casinos, all shows are at the back of the casinos, all hotel rooms are at the back of casinos and no casino has a direct path to anything. We saw a few great shows- the beatles cirque du soliel show- and the o water show- both fab. I might as well mention that the pirate fight at treasure island was frightening- and I stood watching it at 9:30 pm completely horrified that children were present and watching the women in tiny bikinis gyrate their hips across the pirate ship in a battle against the pirate men who took part in some very dirty dancing. It was like an MTV video gone tacky bad and I couldn't help but wonder- what kind of message is this sending to the children who are watching this and what the hell happened to the swashbuckling pirates? I looked around and only I seemed to be alarmed that this entertainment was taking place in front of so many small children. They even used the words "adult candy store" in the script they followed. Ugh. Just when I begin to think we have made progress as a culture I step into our fastest growing city and discover (much to my disappointment and dismay) that America must want the treasure island adult candy store show- why else would it be packed every time they show it?

I think it may take a bit for me to get comfortable with that notion. As for the gambling- the slot machines don't even require that you pull a handle. You just hit a button on the machine and it turns the wheels for you. Soon there will just be a box for us to deposit money into it- and we won't need to turn the wheel- we'll just give the moeny away.

Anyhow, the mini version of this is -- great break. surreal location for vacation- and meds went well so far.