We can see the finish line. We have now lived through another round of bcps, shots, ultra sounds, blood tests, the pink mojo room and IUIs. We are in the 2 week wait.

The last post was hard. Crushingly hard- and I am overwhelmed with gratitude at the amazing support I received from it. The community of bloggers that I have shared this common thread with -- you have stepped up and held a space for me to
grieve and process and simply just feel. You have come from all over to express that you have felt the same as me- and while I don't wish this journey on anyone- thank you for letting me know I am not entirely alone. And a special shout out to the lone man who was so kind with his words -- and who makes an effort to share the male point of view in the struggle with infertility. Thanks to you for your perspective-it was so nice to have you re-affirm what my DH has been telling me.

We did not go into this last phase of the journey with high hopes. For us it felt like a huge let down-- and the whole process seemed to have grey pallor once we decided to do the IUI. Two days in a row we met at the RE's office to complete the task at hand. Both times we left with heavy hearts and how can we not- we have been on this path many times before with no different result. One tube working, plus age working against us--our chances of sucess are half what the average couple our age gets. It's a struggle to come to terms with this. I know it can be done. Fate landed me in the hands of a woman this week who has no ovaries- never has. She was at ease speaking about it as I wiggled in discomfort. It was a good insight and I wonder if she wasn't somehow placed into my life to offer a completely different perspective? I don't know- but I feel fortunate to have met her and had the opportunity to speak.

It should be an interesting 2 weeks. I am redoing my garden again-- seems to be an endless chore. I finally decided to give up trying to figure it all out-- I called an expensive landscape architect whose work I loved, figuring that it is better to just pay once and have a great yard- than to constantly have me redesigning it -- I reasoned that the cost of me putting in plants then discovering they really don't grow well there- killing them and then having to get more plants wasn't as cost effective as having someone who knows what to do work with the space. I thought that since I look at the yard daily- the vision of what is ought to look like may be skewed and that fresh eyes would revive my vision. The architect came over last night-- looked at the yard and explained that she really generally does larger projects and with our budget we could not really afford her services. She then went on to explain that she'd be happy to go through the yard with me and point out what she'd do if it were her project and I could take notes and then do the work or hire someone to do the work. She spent 2 hours with me--gave me the names of dozens of plants that grow in the spaces I had been struggling with- and basically redesigned my entire yard for no charge. I was speechless. How on earth did I get so lucky. I mean who does that? This person didn't know me from anyone- steps into my yard and decided to give 2 hours of her services to me. A small streak of sunshine began poking through our grey clouds. I can do this 2 week wait. And if it doesn't work out- I step up, greive, and continue with life. I feel hopeful. Cautiously so.