Friday, January 25, 2008

Well, I have to say we have actually been stunned silent now for a few weeks. And we haven't really told anyone just because the experience is so impossible- and we still scratching our heads trying to figure out exactly what happened.

We went to Europe for the Holiday break. We'd planned it out in August when I was still reeling from the last loss and I needed desperately to plan something- to have something to look forward to... to get away from it all and connect with one another.
I couldn't face a holiday of nieces and nephews because as much as I love mine- the last thing I wanted to be reminded of was that we didn't have one of our own.

4 days before we are scheduled to get on a plane I notice my period is a couple of days late. I don't think much about it but I pop on over to the drug store and get a handy pee stick to just make sure nothing is amiss. I thought they put the stick together wrong- you know, so when you get a positive on it- and the dark line is up and down-- well I thought they just put it in the plastic holder wrong-- so I took the test a second time. Nope. Positive. So I called my RE- thinking a blood test would fix the weird tests and verify I indeed was not pregnant. But it didn't and I was... and now 10 weeks later. I still am.... we are just over 10 weeks pregnant.

Don't get me wrong, we're thrilled- beyond thrilled actually- but I've been throwing up since week 6... more during week 7. By week 8 I figured out that hyperemesis is not the same as normal morning sickness and I actually sent my RE a note asking how many times a day I ought to be throwing up and what was normal. For the record, 20 times a day...not normal -- and tonite as I am typing all this- I am eating my first complete whole sandwich in weeks. All while an IV is plugged into my arm and I am being pumped full of sugar water and zofran. I'll be taking IVs for the next 3 days hoping to rehydrate myself- and I have to say- I already feel better and we are only on the first bag. Maybe it's knowing that someone is checking in to make sure I'm no longer getting sick...just the feeling perhaps that I am not in this entirely alone.

And while feeling better I realized that the whole first trimester for us so far has been filled with worry, confusion and then illness and we really haven't had a chance to just sit back and be thrilled by the wonder of it all. We haven't told anyone we're pregnant because we don't want them to have to live through a miscarriage again should we walk down that path again. So that's been my life lately. When I wrote my prior post, we had no idea we'd be pregnant, and considering the odds of it happening we're pretty surprised. Pleased, but yeah, surprised. I wish I'd bought a lotto ticket that day too.