Monday, April 02, 2007

Well. Healing.
Somedays not as fast as I'd like but it's happening.
I planted my yearly dahlias. I bought too many and Hubs is alittle concerned we'll have so many we won't be able to get to the front door. I felt better after planting them. And if it takes 30 dahlias to heal from a miscarriage- it seems like a small price to pay.

I have an appt with the RE this week-- I guess we'll go over the results of the D&C tissue they got and what the plan will look like moving forward. I still occassionally feel as thought the wind has been knocked out of me- but it's general greiving and as much as I'd like to snap my fingers and have it be gone there is no rushing it. It's managable, and the best way to describe it is that I get a small pang or twinge of sadness when something triggers it. Walking past a baby shop, seeing a pregnant woman... you know the usual stuff.

I got an invite to a babyshower in the mail today. I was alittle suprised really as I haven't spoken to the mother-to-be in 8-9 months, and the last time I think it was just a hello. We weren't really friends, and other than general small talk at events we both happen to be attending, we haven't really spent any time together. My hubs is friends with her hubs and so maybe it is a by proxy invite? A my husband knows your husband kind of thing? Hmmm.

The reason I am writing about this shower, isn't the puzzlement of why I was invited. It was the wording on the shower that has me alittle perplexed. The shower invite said that the couple didn't know the gender of the baby they were having so we should not tell them that is it a boy. Umm, ok. But it feels weird to know the gender of the baby when the parents don't and why would the host of the event chance that all those 40+ people won't tip off the couple- who purposely don't want to know.Like they won't be getting a blue gift now...because everyone is going to walk into the store where they registered, see that they requested yellow and get that for a boy?

Is it normal to do showers this way? Hubs and I talked about it, and I'll pick something up this week. I can't attend the shower because of an existing conflict, and I'm not really feeling up to a babyshower so it's proably a blessing overall. We'll drop the gift off with some breakfast after they have the baby. I have trouble with the being part of the secret thing- and it's not that I can't keep a secret, or that I plan on telling it if I see them. It's that I wasn't given the choice to not be included in the secret. That is was just blurted out in the first line of text for the shower and now I know this information. Now when the couple calls to tell us they had a boy it will be like, yeah, um we know...and that just seems alittle anti-climatic.


Stephanie said...

I pray that your heart heals quickly...if that is possible.

Bea said...

I'm glad you checked in - I was beginning to worry. I'm glad you're finding things "manageable", and I guess that's the best you can expect at this stage. As you say, it will take time, and it should be allowed to.

I do think the invitation is a bit strange. I would hope that the parents in question had invited this approach, with the thought that guests would be better able to choose a gift if they knew (whilst hopefully still keeping things ambiguous enough to not give the game away...) It seems very strange that the host would unilaterally decide on this approach - much better to just not tell. (Even if the parents have arranged it, I doubt it's as good an idea as they think it is, but that's their business.)


Thalia said...

can't comment on the shower thing as we don't have them over here, but it sounds a little weird to me. How did the person doing the inviting know what gender the baby is if the parents don't even know??

Hoping for some better times ahead for you.

Mary Ellen and Steve said...

It's good to hear from you. Healing takes time my dear. Take good care of yourself and give yourself as much time as you need.

That invitation is weird. I can't imagine that the couple wouldn't know the sex after the shower. People will most likely buy them boyish things. At least you have a conflict and don't have to endure that right now.

Please know that I am thinking of you and hope that your heart heals soon.

Sarah said...

that is very bizarre about the shower invite. if the intent was to help people select a gift, you would think the gifts would give it away. i've never heard of anything like that.

gardening is greattherapy. best wishes for you and your garden.

Samantha said...

I hope the dahlias will continue provide healing for you.

I have to agree the shower thing is strange. If the couple doesn't want to know, it seems like none of the rest of you should know either.

Hopeful Mother said...

I'm glad to hear from you, Ellie. I hope those dahlias will bring you some healing.

The shower invite is odd... like Thalia said - how does the shower giver know the gender when the parents don't? That is odd indeed.

Thinking of you, Ellie. I hope your appt. with the RE helps to give you come closure and a plan to move on however you feel appropriate.

Nicole said...

Right there with you my friend. I could use some Dahlias right now too, but there isn't any sun in our yard.

Lut C. said...

I'm glad to hear you're keeping it together.

The shower - very odd indeed. Good thing you don't have to go, that doesn't sound like something you need right now.

Hang in there.

Kris said...

Ellie- I'm just catching up and I'm so sorry to read what you have been through.

The invite is weird. How does one find out a baby's gender if the parents don't even know?

whatthef*ck said...

strangely my dahlias helped me heal from my last miscarriage. i planted them right after. i sat on my porch and stared into space and at the dahlias. they were so beautiful and they brightened up the house a little. you probably know to put them in water right away, like bring the vase with you when you cut them. that way they will open and last longer. my landscaper just dug up the entire bed due to a miscommunication and now i have a bunch of hacked up bulbs. i am so bummed about this.

so sorry to read of the loss of your precious baby. what a long road you've had getting here and now it'll be even longer. and now without any closure as far as genetic testing results.

i wish you comfort anywhere you can find it. the garden state soundtrack took me through the first month or so. :(