Friday, December 07, 2007

This is the first time I have blogged since our second miscarriage. I needed to take the time to grieve- for us the loss was huge. I still struggle some days with the loss, but it is lessening and we are on hold with our plans. We'd still love to have a child but the journey wore me out, wore us both out, we were left emotionally spent and physically exhausted.

I also lost some friends along the way-- no, they still care for me deeply but from afar. I think the multiple miscarriages was too much for some of my women friends who were unable for whatever reasons to cope with my loss, perhaps because it resonates or the fear of the possibility in their own lives was too great. But they are dearly missed and I hope that one day they will reappear in my life again when the time works for them.

I can't really say I am leading an exciting life- but I am healing. I have just begun recovering from the depression that sets in while the hormones are leaving my body. 2.5 years of infertility drugs takes a while to work them all out... but I am feeling better than I have in over a year and I have begun to smile and laugh again.

I probably won't post a great deal for now... but know that I am lurking and reading your blogs when time allows and you are all very much in my heart and thoughts.

If you have some free time- please pop on over to Pixxee and give her some hugs.

15 comments:

Stephanie said...

I am glad you are healing. It is a process. Take as long as it takes. Hope you have a blessed Christmas.

Heather said...

It is so good to hear from you. Take care of yourselves. May all your dreams come true with the New Year.

Lut C. said...

Take all the time you need.

I'm sorry you feel you've lost friends, or at least temporarily lost touch with them.
When the loss is fresh, it's easier to show support. You've been taught what to say, more or less. After some time, it's harder to know how to be supportive. Broaching the subject of the loss is very delicate, how does one do that? Does it do any good? What it it just reopens the wounds?

Here it's easier, you're the one that's taking the initiative to talk or not to talk about it.

Just a confession from someone who doesn't always know how to be supportive.

Pixxiee said...

Oh Ellie. I just read your latest, and feel terrible for you - I haven't been to visit you in a while. I am so glad you are taking some time to heal up. I wish you well and lots of love in your life. Hugs.

Hez said...

Sending you some extra hugs just because. Take very good care of yourself.

Sarah said...

so glad to hear from you, welcome back to the place where there always seem to be people who know just what to say.

Thalia said...

Good to hear from you, hoping that things are on the mend.

Nicole said...

So pleased to see you writing again. Please take care of yourself and give yourself lots of room to heal. We will be here to support you when you're ready. Sending you lots of love and hugs and smooches, my friend.

Bea said...

I'm so glad you're starting to feel better. It will take a while, no doubt. Hope to hear from you from time to time.

Bea

Beagle said...

I'm so glad you posted ellie. I'm glad to hear you're OK and even smiling again. Take good care . . .

Bside said...

I am new to blogging about my secondary IF. I have PCOS and have been TTC for 2 years now. I just wanted to let you know that I'm so sorry for your loss.

Mary Ellen and Steve said...

Oh Sweetie it is so nice to see a post from you. I visit all the time. I am so glad that you are healing. Take all the time you need. I will be here if and when you decide to come back.

Tara said...

Nice to hear an update on you.

I'm glad to hear you're healing.

Take good care.

ms. c said...

Thanks for the update, Ellie. I've come here every so often to see if you've written...
I'm glad that you are taking time for you and learning to laugh again.
Wishing you warm holiday wishes...

Kellie said...

Ellie, Just wanted to write and let you know that I'm still checking in from time to time, thinking of you and hoping you are well and happy.