Saturday, September 23, 2006

AF showed up today. It wasn't a suprise, exactly. She gave me little signs that she might be coming- a ravenous appetite for sugar of any kind, small pangs in that area, an inpatience for anyone driving, walking or talking within a 10 feet radius. The most telling sign was the sinking feeling. Like when you know that you aren't going to get the answer you want but you don't want to know it- so you pretend that for awhile longer it just isn't what you know it is. Then she shows up and arrives in full flowing glory. Definately no denying she is here. This would definately make me not pregnant. Again.

Not really much else to say about this. We are disappointed, no way not to be really- you don't go through all the effort of trying if you don't plan to suceed. When we started down the IVF path we truly were innocent. We honestly thought that we'd just pop into the RE's office, schedule the process and we'd be done with it and on our way to baby. We had no idea that we'd encounter problems that made it so we were not able to even get to the IVF process.

So we are sitting with the latest results. Not sure what is going to happen next. We'll stick close to one another, step back a bit and heal. Make plans to be with close friends and just take care of ourselves and remember that we have a life outside of the IVF one that consumes so much of our time.

18 comments:

zhl said...

Oh, Ellie, I'm so sorry. With all the trauma of switching between IVF and IUI, I just had so hoped it would work for you.

Your plan for healing sounds like a good thing. Hope you do get to find your life again.

Meri-ann said...

I'm so sorry Ellie- it's just not fair... be kind to you both x

Hopeful Mother said...

Ellie, I am so sorry. I was really hoping for you - you have been through so much already. Please take care of yourselves - it sounds like you are already on the right path - and take the time to re-group and heal and think about the great things in your life.

I can relate to your thoughts about "just popping in to the RE's office" -- you just never know what hand you're going to be dealt.

Anyhow, I am very proud of your zen-like approach to your cycling. You deserve all the best. Will be watching for your updates.

Take care, Ellie.

the waiting line said...

So very sorry.

Thinking of you.

chloe said...

I am sorry.

So much of the time all we can think about is having a baby that everything else seems to get put on hold. I know it's hard to see all the wonderful things in our lives when all we can do is focus on what we don't have, a baby.

Take care of yourselves in which ever way you need!

Sherry said...

Oh Ellie, that just plain sucks, I am so sorry.

Taking good care of yourself is so important - it is the best thing you can do for you and dh right now...

Kris said...

I'm so sorry. Negatives are bad enough without coming off of such a difficult cycle. Take care and be good to yourselves.

Beagle said...

I'm so very sorry.

sube said...

Ellie, I'm so sorry. You went through so much this cycle and we were all rooting for you. It just sucks.

VanillaDreams said...

Damn!! I'm so sorry to hear this. I was really hoping for you guys.

Please keep us updated if you can, even if it's just "boring" everyday stuff! :)

Please take care of yourself.

All the best,
Nilla

Meg said...

Ellie - I am sorry, you have copped so much with this Thing.

Rest up.

K?

Alli said...

I'm so sorry, Ellie. That stinks. I think your plans to be around supportive people and regroup are great. {{Hugs}}

Lut C. said...

After an extraordinary cycle, I hoped for extraordinary results. I'm sorry the news isn't better.

Reconnecting with your other life sounds like a great idea.

serenity said...

Oh sweetie. I am so sorry.

Hugs and love.

spark said...

Ellie, I'm so so sorry.

Bea said...

Elle - finally getting back to comment here. That cycle sounded very stressful right from the start. I'm sorry it didn't bear fruit for all your troubles. I hope you are on your way to rebuilding yourselves for the future.

Bea

ms. c said...

Ellie, I'm so sorry.
I really admire your attitude when you talk about connecting with friends and concentrating on healing.
Take care of yourself.

Thalia said...

So sorry, Ellie, how horribly disappointing. i hope you and your husband are doing ok.