Sunday, September 03, 2006

"The best thing one can do when it's raining is to let it rain."- Henry Wadworth Longfellow

I went to do the U/S today- we are still at 2 follies. I am back at Plan B again. We will continue to do the stims and then later this week do IUI. For those of you who are not immersed in IF lingo, IUI is inter-uterine insemination. They just help the swimmers get on up there. The little guys still need to find the egg and do their business naturally. Now it doesn't seem like this would a difficult task- I mean after all we have taken half the journey for them by placing them in the uterus. Millions of little swimmers and 2 illusive eggs. Adding up to a less than 5% chance success rate.

It's a little hard to be optimistic about this process when we have done it before 4 previous times all unsuccessfully. But like the quote above indicates- there really isn't much I can do about the 2 eggs. I have not spoken to the RE about a new Plan A. I thought it might be better to wait. Don't get me wrong- I'd love to have a new plan A- but it seems disrespectful to call it a total loss before we have even done the IUI. I want to be fully present and do everything I can to make the environment a pleasant one. This way even if it does not work I will know I did what I could at the time. And I am a tiny tiny bit hopeful- and I want to be hopeful. For as much bashing as I give hope - and I freely admit there are days when I'd like to leave it at the door- but I need it, I need to have in my heart the belief that this will work, else why am I here.

In other news I have had several friends drop over with meals for me or have me over for dinner-- I am grateful for this. As you know my cooking skills go from "pretty awesome" to "I am scared to eat that" when I am on stims. My friends have rallied around me to help out and it is pretty cool to have a show of support and eat better this week than I have eaten in the past month. While I can survive on pizza, it's nice that this week I don't have to. And all I have to do is focus long enough to heat it up- so I have only had a few minor issues where I start heating the meal and then forget I was heating a meal and start another one. You could say I have a very limited attention span this week. I also contacted a gardener who is going to swap out my drip irrigation system to something less tasty so the sweet little pup will have nothing to chew on except his chew toys in a few weeks. I am thrilled about this- and though it will cost a little bit to do it, I think we will saving in the long run by not having to replace so many parts.


Thalia said...

I'm sorry Ellie, how disappointing. What dose of stims are you on? (i know it's lots of shots but can't find the dosage anywhere). I hope that you don't need to worry about this, that one of these eggs and one of those sperm are all it takes.

the waiting line said...

Not what you had hoped for. This is frustrating, I understand. I hope the doc figures out what he/she needs to do to get more follies next time IF you even need a next time.

I'm rooting for this IUI!

ellie said...

I was on the following dose:
AM: 20units L*pron
225 Follist*m

PM: 20 units L*pron
225 Men*pur

For the remainder of the cycle:
20 units L*pron AM&PM
225 Follist*m PM

Meg said...

Ellie, I hope things come good for you. Must all be so frustrating for you.

That said, I am pleased to hear that you have a really supportive group of friends around you.

Thats priceles in itself.

Beagle said...

How frustrating and disapointing for you. I feel for you.

So glad that your IRL friends are rallying their support (and food!).

Will be hoping you beat the odds and have a nice IUI pg story to tell.